THE MANY FACES OF ANGER: HEALTHY OR HURTFUL
Most people assume that anger is an emotion to be properly managed. However anger is like water in a glass. If the glass is full it spills over when it is jostled. Likewise if anger accumulates inside of us it spills over onto others when we’re jostled. It’s normal to be angry when we are hurt or disappointed in life, but the reality is we are almost never angry for the reasons we think.
Anger management techniques may help in the short term but they don’t empty out the anger that has accumulated in our core. In our past anger may have been the only tool we had to feel in control, be heard or keep hurtful people at a distance. Because anger has many faces, it can be a silent, icy rage or a violent verbal or physical outburst. It can be turned inward (towards self) or outward (towards others or the world).
Anger can last a red hot moment, or a lifetime. It can be low grade and chronic or high voltage and acute. What we know for sure is, unhealthy anger is often the driving force behind turmoil, health issues and a sense of feeling deep internal pain that no one deserves to endure.
“Temper is the one thing you can’t get rid of by losing it.” – Jack Nicholson
HOW DO I KNOW I HAVE ANGER ISSUES?
- Someone has told you that they are scared of you
- You realize that you have a ‘short fuse’ but it is effective in getting your way
- You have difficulty maintaining relationships
- At work you have been told you are critical or difficult to work with
- You justify you rage by citing others incompetency
- You beat yourself up with constant self-criticism
- You feel your way of thinking or doing things is more “right” than others points of view
- You have difficulty accepting constructive correction
- You are unable to have thoughtful, solution oriented discussions about areas of conflict at work or home without feeling the anger rise
- You spent more time explaining you are right, than listening and trying to understand others views
- Other people don’t seem to fully grasp your worth
- You think happy people are “Pollyannas and don’t see the world as realists – like you
- You feel your needs are more important than the needs of others
- You feel others are responsible for making you angry
“Cheryl didn’t let me stay in my thinking. She challenged me to dig in and see if what I brought to the table was really the true issue. At the time it was difficult. However, looking back I appreciate it. I have come to realize that sometimes it has been easier for me to point the finger at others instead of accepting that “I” had a problem that needed to be addressed.” – Wanda, No more problems with anger
CONTROL YOUR ANGER – DON’T LET IT CONTROL YOU
Initially I will equip you with some tools to help you calm the rage you feel. Then we will look at emptying out the old rage issues so that you can tolerate the inevitable conflict life brings. Beyond that, you can remember (or feel for the first time in a long time) what it is like to be happy and at peace. The new you will be able to use your passion to positively resolve conflict at home and work. You will feel in control of your anger rather than your anger controlling you.
Some place in you, you hope for a life with more. Someplace around you, someone you love is hoping you take this step so that you can have the life you truly desire. It’s time to empty out the glass full of rage and take control.
Contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how I can help